Quality Phone Sex - Fetish Phone Sex : Anything Goes Phone Sex

Free Drinks Phone Sex

This is kind of an extreme way to get free drinks, but WTF it worked!

My regular bar is a dark back alley place where a lot of bikers and other scofflaws hang out. It’s the kind of place that cops don’t even drive by. I tried to take my cop fuck buddy there once & he refused to get out of the car. On any given night you can go in there & see a woman sucking a cock in one of the booths, a couple fucking in the bathroom or a fight that leaves someone bloody. I don’t know why I like the place. It’s a shithole. But for some reason the sheer atmosphere gets me wet when I just walk through the door.

Most of the time there aren’t a lot of girls in the place. And most of the ones you do see there are either hookers or butter faces. Whenever I go there I go wearing my heavy biker leathers and stomp in with a “fuck with me & die” attitude. You really kinda gotta. I’ve sucked a few cocks in the place. And I fucked a guy in the bathroom once. Thanks to my all natural 34DD’s I’ve never paid for my own drink in the place. But it wasn’t until just recently that the bar itself started picking up my tab.

The bartenders are Matt and Randy. They’re both pretty cute. And randy has the body of a body builder. I got to be pretty good friends them quick. Partially because they’re also the bouncers and its good for a bitch like me to have someone watching my back when I’m fucking around with the kind of guys who go there. Randy has asked me out once but we never got around to going on the date.

The other night I was sitting at the bar chatting with Matt & Randy because the pickings for men weren’t real great. A big smelling biker leaned on the bar next to me and said, “I wanna watch you suck a dick.”

I said, “Find me an adult sized one and you just might.”

The guy turned and yelled out to the whole bar, “Who wants to see this bitch suck some dick?!!!!”

The whole crowd roared and started clapping. There were shouts of “cum on her face” and “fuck that bitch good” and more of the like. I could see Matt and Randy getting all tense like they thought a fight was about to start. Matt was even wrapping a towel around his fist. I Jumped up and sat on the bar and waved my hands for everyone to quiet down. When it was quiet I said, “The only cock I’m sucking in here to night is one of theirs.” and I pointed at the bartenders.

There was more whooping & hollering people started to slam money down on to the bar and screaming out things they wanted to see. I got no idea where those low lives got so much cash, but I sure it wasn’t legal money.

I ended up standing on the bar and stripping completely naked. Then I kneeled down and Matt and Randy BOTH got up on the bar and whipped out their cock. I’d never seen their cocks before. They’re both fucking hung!!!! I sucked both their cocks for a while. Then I was on my hands and knees, still on the bar, sucking Matt’s cock while Randy fucked me from behind. The I laid on my back on the bar, Matt fucked me while Randy stood beside the bar so I could suck his cock. The show ended with me laying with my head hanging off the bar and Matt & Randy kneeling over me and cumming on my tits.

I’ve gone out with Randy twice since. He really is a good fuck. And my drinks are ALWAYS on the house now. J

www.bedtimebunnies.com/skylar.html

Priming Me for the BIG O Phone Sex

What does it take to give a woman that huge satisfying blow out Orgasm we all crave? The one Guys crave to give and I crave to get? Well after doing some research and reading on the subject today, Especially when it comes to PHONESEX, You need to let me know what you plan to do. That you want me to be satisfied! You want the call to be about me getting off, just as much as you want to get off, you want me to enjoy myself also!

I want to be told that my beauty entrances you and the things you like about me. What are the things that you enjoy that I do for you when we have “our” special PHONESEX time together? Do you like the way I moan for you? Or would you rather I scream! When we cum together? or do you like it when I cum first, and you can hear me moan and scream your name?

So lets talk toys? what are your favorite? have you ever asked me,
Stella what is “your” favorite toy, before telling me to grab that dildo
and ram it in my wet cunt? Think about it guys? do you want the best of me? I have a very personable attitude, I know you enjoy that about me!

So if you want to get all the best of me, the best mind blowing phone
fucking experience you have ever had? buyer beware; think about what you put into the foreplay! I want to be your sweet little piece of heaven when the stresses in life have you down, I want to be the sweet voice that soothes your soul and brings you back down to earth with that release you have been waiting for all day! You know what its about. You get out of it what you put into it! I give you 150% I give you ALL of ME! give me some love too! I thrive on your appreciation and knowing that you adore me!

I miss you, Its time for a call! 1. 888. 8.FREAKY

PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL ME I’M WAITING! Cum See me at

http://www.bedtimebunnies.com/stella.html

Lovins, Stella

Business Fucking Phone Sex

Lately I’ve been getting into a bad habit, thanks to Roxy. Her drive to have sex in public has made me start taking risks I never really took before. More specifically, I’ve been fucking people who are my work contacts! I’ve fucked 3 of my suppliers in the office at my ware house. I’ve fucked one of the truck drivers 4 or 5 times now in his truck. While my staff was unloading the truck I was unloading my balls up his ass. Every other month I go to Atlantic City to check on some big accounts. The last 3 trips out there I’ve had sex with at least 1 of my contacts. On the last trip Roxy, me and the restaurant owner all had an all night 3-some after a dinner meeting. I’ve always gotten a lot of ass. Women and men. But I was never really what I’d call a male slut before. I can’t believe the effect that Roxy has had on my life since she moved in with me. I’ve had more sex since she moved in than I’ve had the whole rest of my life. With her AND with other people. I’ve become almost brazen about doing it in public. And the funny part of it is that I’ve never been happier.

Every other month I take a business trip to Atlantic City to check up on some business accounts. The last 3 or 4 times I’ve gone I’ve had sex with at least 1 of my business contacts. On the last trip Roxy went with me. We ended up having a hard core 3-some with the guy from my biggest account. After our business dinner we took him back to our room. Me and him used Roxy like I’ve never even heard about her getting used before. She was totally our sex toy. The high point of it was when me and him had both of our cocks in Roxy’s ass at the SAME TIME!

Last week this same guy called me and said he wants to expand his business and he wanted to talk to me about a proposal. So he came to town on memorial day weekend so we could get together. Meaning we as in him and me for business and we as in the 3 of us for more fucking. So we met for a social dinner. The we went back to his hotel and we used Roxy like a blow-up doll again.

The next day after breakfast, we dropped Roxy off at home and me and him went to my warehouse to talk and show him around. I gave him a tour of the place and he asked me a bunch of questions about the farmers I deal with and how I manage logistics and distribution. He pretty much wanted to know everything there was to know about my produce wholesale business. I was starting to get a little suspicious when he came out with it. He wanted to buy my business lock, stock and barrel!

I have never once thought about selling my business since the day I started it. But before I could tell him no way, he made his offer. He had been doing research into my wholesale biz for months and when he whipped out the file on it’s estimated value, I was knocked over. It’s worth more than I thought it was. And he said he had the connections to make it even better. Long story short… he offered me 15% over what his analysts said the business was worth. He bought the business, the warehouse, the trucks, the contracts and all the existing stock. He sucked the cum out of my cock to seal the deal.

And now Roxy and I have more money than I ever dreamed about. Now the only problem is what to do now?

www.gayphonesexboys.com/bobby.html

Duct Tape Phone Sex

I have a guy who is into serious bondage. He likes pain too. He said he wanted to do some super tight extreme bondage. Totally bound up. Unable to move at all. My 1^st thought was to do some kind of mummification. Totally wrap him up from neck to ankles. But I only had one small tube of saran wrap in the house. And you can’t really get someone bound up tight by wrapping him in fabric sheets.

I was looking around the house to see what I could find to bind him up. Then I went into the garage. And I found something that gave me an idea. A little while ago I needed some duct tape. I got it at Costco in a pack of 4 rolls. I had used less that ¼ of one of the rolls. So there was all that duct tape sitting on a shelf in the garage.

I picked it up and thought about him. He’s a hairy guy. Legs, arms, chest, back. He’s not wearing a permanent fur coat, but he does have quite a bit of body hair. Hair that would stick to the tape a lot! So I went back inside and held it up for him to see. He immediately started tearing his clothes off.

I started the tape at his shoulders. I had him keep his hands at his sides as I wound the tape around and around his body. I pulled it tight and pressed it to his body with my hands. When I got below his waist I held his cock upright so the tape held it against his belly. I hadn’t thought about the hair on his ass and his balls until I was smoothing the tape over them. When I got to mid thigh I had him lay on the couch and hold his legs up so I could finish the job to his ankles. I used the rest of the partial roll and 2 more whole rolls mummifying him in duct tape.

When I was done he asked me in a playful tone what I planned on doing with him next. I said I was going to let him lay there and think about me pulling the tape of his hairy body and to let me know when he was ready. His face went ghost white and his eyes got big as dinner plates. Apparently he hadn’t thought about his body hair at all. He laid there for 2 ½ hours before he built up the courage to say he was ready to get out of it.

I used some safety scissors to cut the tape apart into pieces. So his arms were loose and his legs were apart. He pretty much had a big slab of tape on each leg, one on his ass, one on his crotch, on his chest, on his back and on both arms. I started on his right leg at the ankle. I got a hold of the edge of the tape and pulled up.

I have never heard anyone scream like that before in my entire life. I should have had a tape recorder there. I could have sold the recording to a movie company for a fortune! He limped around my living room for a couple minutes before he had me pull up some more. I got the tape off that 1 leg up to about his knee before he made me stop.

He said he was going to go home and soak in a really hot tub and see if that helped loosen the tape. It didn’t. He ended up having to go to the emergency room. It took a PA 5 hours with a scalpel slowly lifting small pieces of tap and shaving the hair as she went. Kind of like the same way hunters skin an animal. He swears he’s never going to visit me again. LOL

www.bedtimebunnies.com/jade.html

Finacial Phone Sex

Look you lil pig the only way you get to me is if you pay me !! You will give me everything you own and you will do it willingly or else I am going to ruin your fucking pathetic ass. Don’t I’m me with your ” how are you going to ruin me shit” just fucking call me and you will see. Timewasters get shit from me, You like what you see and you want me then prove it !! I will demand all your info , all your contacts, all your bank statements , all your passwords, all your numbers for everyone you know. You better have the bucks if you want the pleasure of seeing my nude body, the joy of talking to me , the oppurtunity to kiss me. I want money and I want gifts,and I am worth every fucking cent so don’t bullshit me.

Get your wallet out, get all your credit cards loaded with money cause I am ready to go shopping and you better be prepared to work your ass off to keep me covered in diamonds, lingerie, sexy clothes , any thing I want. I will dine on your money, I will buy gifts for me and my girlfriend with your money, and I will travel on your money. GET IT , GOT IT , GOOD!! Now get to dialing lil piggy we have alot to discuss.

www.phonesexacademy.com/payton.html

Size Counts Phone Sex

Finally! I finally met a guy who lived up to his boasts about the size of his cock!

I’ve heard more guys lie about the size of their cocks than I can count. They all say they’re so big that I won’t be able to handle it. That they could do porn. That they got 8, 9, 10 or more inches of meat in their pants.

I never believe them. And for good reason. Even though they brag about dick size, some of them are still attractive enough to take for a ride in bed. And It always happens. I get their pants open and the truth comes out. Literally.

I have had more than my fair share of big cocks. But by big cocks I mean between 7 & 8 inches. I call them 2×4’s and I go out of my way to collect them. (That means I fuck them.) Nobody ever has more than that no matter how much they brag. Most of the braggers don’t even have that much. If there’s 6” in there I count myself lucky to have a decent size. Some guys have been so small I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at them. I don’t know what kind of ruler these guys use, but it sure as fuck ain’t in inches.

Then I met this guy. He swore he had had this huge cock and could prove it. I made a bet with him. We’d go to my place so he could prove it. And when he lost He had to pay me $100. I even made him show me that he had $100 in cash on him. He agreed but then said that when I lost the bet he didn’t just get to fuck my pussy, but I had to take his entire cock up my ass to the hilt. I knew I was going to win the bet so I agreed.

We went back to my place. I got naked. Then he got naked. I lost the bet. He had the biggest cock I every saw outside a porn video! He fucked my cunt so hard that I couldn’t speak coherent words while it was happening. It was the biggest thing I have ever had un my pussy. And it was FUCKING FANTASTIC!!! I totally lost count of all my orgasms.

Then he told me it was time to make good on the bet and he flipped me over onto my tummy. Now… I love getting fucked in the ass. And I have taken some good size cocks up my back door. But when the head of his huge fucking cock pressed in between my ass cheeks I got a little nervous. He forced that cock into my ass and I made a noise I never made before. It was ½ a scream and ½ a cry of pleasure. Then he reminded me that the bet said I had to take it up my ass all the way to the hilt. And he started shoving.

I thought that huge fucking dick was going to come out of my throat! It was so big and he fucked me so hard that I wasn’t able to make a single sound. He fucked me and fucked me and fucked me until I was ready to collapse. Then he yanked it out of my ass so fast it literally shocked me so bad I couldn’t move. He flipped me back onto my back, stood over me and soaked me down with more cum than I have ever seen come out of a human dick.

Yes I WILL be fucking him again!!!!

www.bedtimebunnies.com/skylar.html

Mutual Masterbation Phone Sex

Last weekend I notice a U-Haul pulled up in the driveway of the vacant house a couple houses down. I kept looking out my window and only seen one guy going back and forth unloading , thought the neighborlly thing to do would be to take him some of my special sweet tea and see if I could help him with anything.

I found out his name was Ryan and he just moved to town , no job, looking for a change of scenery. We got to talking and he asked me what I did for a living and where would be a good place for him to start looking for a job in a couple of days after he got settled in. I said I was a phone ho and asked him what type of work he was looking for.

He said anything to pay the bills and give him the freedom of checking out the city. So before I left that day I gave him my site told him to check it out and then I said well you know we are looking for some guys to add to our site, but you are going to have to play with the boys mostly. He winked and told me that was no problem he was bi sexual and played the field.

mmmm the way he was looking at me right then I sure wanted him to play my field 🙂 He said he would check out the sites and let me know. So I went home with the imagine of a totally hot sexy muscular guy in my head.

I got real comfy on my couch and just couldn’t help fingering myself thinking about all the hot fucking things he could do to me. He was so strong he could fuck me til I couldn’t walk I knew that for sure. I fingered my pussy thinking about his cock fucking me til I creamed all over myself and just had to lick my fingers clean.

Little did I know, and I found this out later the next day, Ryan was over at his place stroking his big bad boy at the same time I was playing, the reason I know this is as follows: I went over the next day to Ryan’s place with some lunch for him and we got to talking some more, everyday stuff and then the site, well he told me he loved my pics and that he had to admit something to me, and that was that he couldn’t help himself but to pump his cock looking at them.

I got a huge smile on my face and told him that I needed to confess that I had been thinking of him last night as well and that my fingers had done the walking!!! Well with both our confessions it really didn’t take long before he had me pinned to the wall face first and had me riding his cock. I am still trying to catch my breathe. Well and as you can see Ryan has joined the site, so if you are ever wanting to do a MFM call I hope he keep us in mind. *WINKS*

www.bedtimebunnies.com/alyssa.html

www.gayphonesexboys.com/ryan.html

Self Pleasure Phone Sex

THOUGHTS OF YOU

laying in bed, it’s late and I can’t sleep…thoughts of you enter my mind… I see your face looking down at me…. I hear your voice speaking my name…I feel your lips press against mine gently…your tongue enters my mouth…I feel your hands caress my body ever so softly…I feel you move down my body brushing your tongue over my breast, down over my tummy…. The warmth from your breath sends shivers thru my entire body…. I feel your hands reach between my legs…fingers spreading me open…mmmm I feel you blow on my clit ever so gently….. then pressing your tongue onto me…making me weak…you feel my body reacting to your touch…I feel you slide your finger deep into me… your mouth sucking harder on my clit…..mmmmmm my body filled with pleasure as I feel myself reaching my climax….oooooooooh uh huh mmmmmmmm……. I get up still trying to catch my breath and I look around the room and all I could think of is, I wish you were here.

www.bedtimebunnies.com/kate.html

Secret Steamy Fun Away From Home Phone Sex

The weekend had just arrived and you were traveling out of town on business. I was working at the front desk as I saw you walk into the hotel of where I worked at. As you made your way over to the check in desk I could not help but notice hot handsome you looked. Standing so tall, dressed in casual wear and your cologne was a scent that smelled so good that it traveled all through the room. I looked at you as I smiled and checked you in. Then handed you your room key and told you that if there was anything that you needed please don’t hesitate to give me a call. A little time had passed by and I had given you enough time to settle in and get comfortable. I grabbed some extra towels for you and some toiletries to make sure that you had enough so where you would not run out. When I got up to your room you looked at me and smiled and I handed you your things and asked you if you needed anything else. You looked at me smiling as you were looking at how i was dressed. Me in a short black skirt and white blouse with a matching business jacket. Under that I had on a matching lacy black bra and thong with some off black thigh hi’s and six inch pumps and smelling very sweet. You told me that you were going to be needing some food and drinks soon so you would give me a call and let me know exactly what it is that you wanted. As I walked away you stood in the doorway looking at me as I made my way over to the elevator. When I got back down to my desk my phone rang and it was you calling for some personal items. You asked me if I could pick out some adult magazines and some adult movies for you. I was a little surprised and didn’t really know how to react because I had never really gotten a request like that. So I told you I would pick out something that I thought you would like. Then you told me you would like some appetizers and some beer and asked me to pick out something good that I thought that you would like. I got together some penthouse magazines and a few adult videos that looked very hot and choose some corona beer and buffalo chicken wings with some potato skins. When I made it back up to your room you asked me to come in and put your things next to the table. So I pushed the dining tray in and moved it right next to the table for you. You looked at me as you closed the front door and asked me if I could stay up for a little while. I was a little reluctant because I was suppose to be working and wasn’t sure why you wanted me to stay. But I looked back at you and told you okay because my shift was just about over anyway so it would not be a problem. As you made your way over to the table I handed you your adult magazines and videos to you. You looked at me as you asked me to tell you what kind that I selected for you. I was a bit shy because that was something again that I usually didn’t discuss with the guests. But I tried to loosen up as I told you about the selection that I got for you. I explained to you that I choose some penthouse magazines and some very hot video’s. One being a girl/guy video and the other being a threesome video with two guy’s and a girl. You looked at me as you started to give me a very naughty smile and started to look at how I was dressed in my outfit. Then you made your way over to your bed and asked me to come and sit down next to you. As we sat there sitting close to one another you opened up the penthouse magazine and started looking through the pictures. As I sat there with you I could not help but start to get turned on. Looking at how hot you were and then looking at those hot pictures in the magazine. We got to a page with a hot blonde who was dressed in a black lacy thong and a tight fitting low cut top. She had very nice tits that looked like the same size as mine wich was 34 D and very pretty blonde long hair. You looked at her then looked at me and told me that she looked a little like me. As we went on to the next page it showed her coming out of her top and making her way between the guys legs.As we turned the pages I started to get hornier and hornier. You looked at me and could tell that my attitude was changing from being shy to very turned on very fast. We then came to a page where the guy had come out of his pants exposing his big fat cock. As soon as I saw that I instantly got wet. The hot blonde was between his legs with her cock in her hand ready to get a very hot tit fuck and blow job done for him. At that point all I could think about was putting on that video that I selected for you and thought about getting undressed with you. You looked at me with a very lustful sound in your voice and said “Sierra why don’t you go ahead and put that video in for us. I looked at you back with a very lustful look in my eyes as I grabbed the dvd and put it in the machine for us. I looked back at you as you started to get more comfortable on your bed and grabbed two beers. One for you and one for me. When the video started to play it showed a girl doing a hot strip tease out of her clothes. She was a very hot blonde with long hair and very nice tits and a very hot body also. She slowly came out of her clothes as the guy was sitting on his couch getting ready to take his big fat cock out for her. You looked at me and told me again that the girl in that video looked a bit like me. I looked back at you and said “yes she sure does.” Looking at you as I smiled and hearing you as you told me how pretty I was. I looked at you as I thanked you and made my way over to the bed. You handed me the beer as I took it in my hand and started to drink it. I could not help but notice the bulge in your pants getting bigger and bigger. I slowly started to come out of my jacket and started to unbutton my blouse as your eyes started to scan my body again. I looked at you and said in a very seductive voice that “I want you baby.” As I made my way down to my last button I took off my blouse I made my way down to my black little skirt and slowly unzipped it and started to wiggle my tight ass and hips out of it. As it hit the ground I walked over to the bed and could see that your cock had gotten so hard and grown so much in your pants that it was about ready to bust out. I crawled up on the bed with you as I was taking my hands and touching my sexy curvy body. Running my finger tips across my lacy black bra as I took my right hand and took the strap off of my shoulder to let it fall to the side. Then taking my left hand as I made my way to my left bra strap letting that fall off of my shoulder. Taking my tongue as I slowly started to run it around my lips and looking at the lust in your eyes that started to intensify more and more. I took my hands as I leaned you back against the head board. Moving my hands all over your chest as I made my way down your body. Unstrapping your belt and unbuttoning your pants as I took my soft hands and started to take that big fat cock out. I crawled on top of you as I started to straddle you and take that bg fat cock out. I wrapped my soft hand around it as I started to stroke it for you nice and slow. Taking my hands as I started at the tip of the head and stroking it up and down nice and slow. I could feel it is it started to throb in my hand as I made my way down to the base of the shaft. Slowly pumping that cock over and over again as you reached up and started to grab my tits and pressed them together. I pulled you up to me so you could bury your face between them as I started to squeeze and stroke your cock a little bit faster. Taking my other free hand as I started to work those balls for you. I took my hand as I started to slowly massage them for you just lightly squeezing them as my other hand stroked your long hard shaft over and over again. Looking at you as you started to suck and lick on my nipples just making your way back and forth from one nipple to the next. I pushed you back on the bed as I started to get on my knees because all i wanted to do now is slide my hot mouth around your long hard cock.

I took my tongue as I started to roll it around the tip of your head. Just barely touching it as I traced it round and round. Making my way down the shaft I began to lick it over and over again. Just making my way down to those full balls of yours.I took my tongue as I started to tease them for you and lightly took them in my mouth and started to tease them just a little bit. Then taking my tongue as I made my way back up your shaft and started to wrap my mouth around that big long cock of yours. Slowly just pumping it in and out of your mouth as I sucked in on it making it wetter and wetter. Feeling you as you started to throb more and more in my mouth I started to suck faster and take it deeper in my mouth. Looking up at you as I took my hand and started to stroke the base of your shaft. Sliding it all the way up…then all the way back down again. Then sliding it all the way back up again and then all the way back down again. Tasting that precum as it started to drip down my throat I started to suck and take it in so deep that I could feel the tip of your head hit the back of my throat. You knew that I was sucking your cock so fucking good like no other had before that my goal was to get that hot thick load all in my mouth and on my face. And maybe even on my big fuckable tits too. As your cock was sliding in and out of my mouth and my hand on your balls and gagging on your cock I started to to slide it out of my mouth because the way your hands was forcing my head down on your cock and the way you were fucking my hot mouth by the way you were thrusting yourself in me I knew that you were ready to blow very VERY soon. As my mouth made its way back up your hard shaft I took your cock as I started to slide it between my tits and started to give you one of the hottest fucking tit fucks that you have ever experienced. Taking my hands as I pushed them around your big hard rod as you pumped my tits in and out. Over and over again. Me looking up at you as I was moaning out “Oh yes baby fuck my tits with that big fat dick.” My pussy was getting so fucking wet by now I just felt like I was going to cum at any moment. I took my tits as I started to squeeze them tighter around your cock and that just made you pump them even faster and harder. I took my tongue as I started to lick it and lap it around the tip of your head kind of like how a rattle snack moves his tongue when he is moving in for the kill. Lowering and raising up my tongue as I licked it faster and faster. Taking online the tip of the head in my mouth as I began to slurp and slurp on it so much that you looked down at me and said in a very seductive voice “Ready?” And I looked back up at you and said “Yes baby blow for me. I want all of that hot creamy load right here.” As I pointed to my face and mouth. Taking my hands as I started to make my way inside of my thong I started to slide my finger inside of my tight and very wet pussy. Pumping it faster and faster as I could feel my tight little cunt just grab and squeeze around my finger. Moaning out more and more because I wanted to cum so fucking bad now. I took my other hand as I started to massage my clitty. Running it up and down and round and round as I moved my hips in a circular motion. As you were stroking and pumping your big fat cock you looked down and said “Now..” I looked back up at you as I opened up my mouth and said “Ahhhhh” and took every last drop of cum that you had for me. Looking at you as I said “Oh yes baby i’m your slutty cum whore it tastes soooooo good.” As you drained every last drop of jizz for me you started to lean back as you moaned out and said “MMMM sierra I will be calling you up tomorrow so we can continue this more.” I looked at you as I smiled seductively and put on my clothes and said “I can’t wait baby…just give me a call and i’ll be all yooooooours” You are so fucking hot J that you just make my body tingle from head to toe..Ohhh what you do to me… Sierra

www.hornydesperatehousewives.com/sierra.html

Phone Sex by the Numbers

A bunch of my friends and I got to talking about how much sex you have to have in order to consider it a good sex life. Of course there was the quality above quantity argument. But eventually we all agreed that no matter how great the fucking is at the time you’re doing the fucking… if you’re not getting it often enough you still got a shitty sex life.

So that started the ‘how much is good, how little is bad, how much is great, how little sucks’ debate. We decided to start in the middle with “good”. We all agreed that once a week is good. But then there are those weeks when the lady half of the couple would rather BBQ and eat the guys head than let him touch her. So we figured 52 weeks in the year minus the 12 weeks that happen once a month when it just ain’t happening would be the good scale. So if you have sex between 40 and 52 times a year your sex life is “good”.

The we had to figure out how to set the other categories. We decided to stay with the 12 point spread since that’s the range in our original “good” category. We started by working down from good, figuring that those are the categories where most men would end up. That gave us 3 categories below good until we got to zero. Then, in the interest of balance, we decided to stick with 3 categories above good as well.

We know full well that a LOT of men are going to claim to be in the top category. We also know that 99.5% of those men are lying. Believe me when I say it, guys… the girls KNOW when you’re lying about your sexual exploits. So before you try to claim a spot in the top category, remember that we know better!

Anyway… here’s the sex life scale. It goes by how many times you fuck in a year.

0 – 15 = in need of medical help

16 – 27 = bad

28 – 39 = needs improvement

40 – 52 = good

53 – 64 = exceeds expectations

65 – 76 = great

77 and up = porn star

(Remember that women know when men lie about sex.)